We all agree that, when talking dirty to a stranger on a phone sex chat line, you need a distraction-free environment, where you can focus exclusively on your pleasure.

Something as common as background noise can totally kill the mood, while coworkers or family potentially walking in on you, or overhearing the hottest details of your conversation, may put your reputation in serious danger.

However, when you have created the perfect environment for your hot kinky chat, and you’re ready to share your fantasies with the sexy girl of your dreams, beware not to kill her mood by saying something awkward or distracting.

Here are the 5 things you should never, ever say if you want to keep your dirty conversations torrid. No excuses!

My kids have just come back home from school.

Seriously, you’re telling me that your kids are around, and that they could potentially hear my voice while I masturbate in front of their father? No way!

You know, my daughter Liza has the best grades of her class.

We’re so used to think of parents as non-sexual beings, that when a woman hears her chat line buddy talking about his kids, she feels immediately turned off. Kids and sex should be completely separate, period.

My wife moans way louder than you.

If that’s the case, why the fuck are you calling a phone sex number? Go back to your wife, who is an insatiable nympho. In your mind, I can’t compete with her incredible sexual skills.

You’re laying on your back, wearing only a lacy pair of panties, and you’re giving me mind-blowing oral sex…

Wait, this is a phone sex call, not the script of a movie that only exists in your head. Dirty talking is performed by two people, not one: give me at least the chance to express what I want and what I don’t.

I don’t like women who are hairy down there.

You know what? At the opposite, I truly love being hairy down there! I obviously won’t give up my bush for a man, so be smart, and pretend that I have a perfectly smooth bald vulva.

After all, you don’t have to lick it for real, right?